Loving, simple ways to navigate fatphobia and diet talk over the holidays

1. You can be direct about your boundaries

Of course, you can cut right to the chase and set a clear boundary. Something like, “I know you mean well/that you’re joking/that we’ve talked like that before, but I don’t want to talk about my weight/clothing size/changed appearance/etc anymore. It hurts my feelings/embarrasses me/makes me feel self-conscious/feels awkward/etc.” 

2. You can completely change the topic

Sidestepping conversations might seem a little rude, but it’s also an effective way to make it clear you do not want to engage. For example, you could ask the person or group of people if they’ve seen a new movie or TV show, if they’d like to see a picture of your pet, or what they’re most excited about in the coming year. 

3. You can reassure others you don’t hyperfocus on their bodies

Sometimes body and diet talk can manifest in people talking about themselves. For example, someone bringing up that they feel they have gained weight/lost weight/lost muscle or lamenting that they’re lazy/unmotivated because they haven’t started or stuck to a new fitness schedule or diet. You can reply by saying something like, “I hear you! I’m sorry you’re feeling that way. I love/respect/admire/care about you no matter what you look like/how much you work out/whether you stay on that diet or not.” 

4. You can compliment people for reasons that don’t involve weight loss

Whether body shaming or diet talk is aimed at you, someone else, or about someone else, directing the conversation to a happier, more positive subject is a good move. Complimenting people on the work they put into the holiday celebration can be an easy option, even if you’re only meeting over video calls. For example, you can bring up a specific aspect of someone’s decorations or thank someone for the time or creativity they put into a baked good or card you received in the mail. You can also celebrate people’s non-body-related successes or journeys, like in academia, work, or personal relationships. 

5. You can remind people they’re not your personal physician

Even if people are speaking to you from a place of concern, love, or simply because it’s become a norm in your dynamic, the reality is that no one knows more about your health than you. Even if your health appears different to them, no one (except maybe your physician, nutritionist, trainer, or so on) knows about what’s best to help your body and mind. And it’s okay to tell people that if you don’t appreciate their feedback. Saying something like, “Oh, I’m working on a plan with a nutritionist, so I don’t need any other suggestions right now,” or, “I’m happy with how things are for me right now, so don’t worry about offering up other ideas” can work well here.