Cheers and Jeers: Tuesday

» I shall preserve my pandemic ponytail lengthy sufficient to go to my mother and father’ remaining resting place so I can hear them spin of their graves.

» I shall attempt to see the world from Ted Cruz’s standpoint by spending some high quality time performing like a soulless asshole.

» I shall cut back the variety of distractions in my life by

» I shall resist the urge to throw tomatoes at personal citizen Donald Trump throughout that temporary interval once they’re hustling him from the police automotive to the jail gate, on account of too many individuals are going hungry on this nation.

»  I shall proceed my 56-year streak of not taking pictures anyone. Sorry, however I can’t say the identical about by chance impaling individuals within the neck with garden darts.

» I shall assume extra about world peace, financial justice and environmental well being…or my insatiable want for reasonable client items that’ll be thrown away the second they get a scratch on them, whichever comes first.

» I shall do extra good deeds. Starting with deprogramming the outdated girl throughout the road from drooling every time I ring her doorbell.

»  I shall bear in mind what’s greatest in life: “Destroy the Republicans, see them driven before me, and hear the lamentation of the Lindsey.”

»  As horrible as the present presidency was, I shall proceed by no means forgetting all of the monsters within the Bush II administration—together with Bush himself—who ought to’ve been tried for struggle crimes.

» I shall peacefully resolve Daily Kos pie fights with my superior negotiating and arbitration abilities, simply as quickly as we resolve our 19-year pie combat over the form of the negotiating desk.

» And I vow to proceed sporting my motherf*cking masks, simply as I hope you will vow to proceed pardoning my French.

And now, our characteristic presentation…

–

Cheers and Jeers for Tuesday, January 5, 2021

Note: What form of dancers do skilled plumbers love most? Cloggers, after all. Thank you, I’ll be right here all week.

–

By the Numbers:

Days ’til the Perseverance rover lands on Mars: 44

Current federal minimal wage, a nationwide embarrassment: $7.25

Rank of Sacramento, Las Vegas, Phoenix, Austin, and Atlanta among the many prime “destination cities” for individuals escaping the coronavirus from bigger cities, in response to the true property website Redfin: #1, #2, #3, #4, #5

The final time that the federal authorities executed extra inmates in a 12 months than it did in 2020: 1896

Estimated quantity Trump has misplaced by means of mismanagement of his European golf properties: $90 million

Estimated measurement of the worldwide mushroom market by 2025: $50 billion

Lifespan of the unique model of FarmVille, which shut down December 31^st: 11 years

–

Puppy Pic of the Day: Gathering to gossip around the water cooler…

–

CHEERS to an important time of the day. 7:00pm ET. That’s when polls shut in Georgia tonight (reminder: for those who’re in line by 7 they must allow you to vote), and we await the outcomes of the dual U.S. Senate elections that’ll decide the steadiness of energy within the higher chamber, which at the moment stands at 52 conservative cultists and 48 patriotic Democrats plus 2 independents who caucus with them. Here’s FiveThirtyEight’s definitive, red-line-in-the-sand prediction of who, within the races of Jon Ossoff vs. David Perdue and Rev. Raphael Warnock vs. Kelly Loeffler, is totally, positively going to win (spoiler alert):

[W]e don’t really want extra polls to inform us what we already know: These races might go both approach. In truth, between the polls, the fundraising numbers, the early-voting information and the November outcomes, each events can discover causes to be optimistic heading into election day tomorrow.

We’ll discover out on Tuesday evening—possibly.

If Ossoff and Warnock win and the Senate stands tied at 50 Ds/Is and 50 Rs, keep tuned for Chapter 1 within the adventures of America‘s latest superhero: Kamala Harris—Wonder Woman Tie Breaker.

CHEERS to Democrats on the helm. Over the weekend the 117^th Congress was gaveled in, with Nancy Pelosi wielding the Speaker’s mighty hammer for a fourth time period (although with fewer votes than final time, indicating it will doubtless be her final hoorah). On the upside, there are a record-setting 118 girls now serving their constituents throughout the fruited plain. On the draw back, all however one of many newbies got here from the occasion that is [circles ear with finger]. On the opposite upside, Democratic girls nonetheless lead GOP girls by a trailblazing three-to-one. Somewhat historic perspective:

1921:  0 Democrats     0 Republicans

1941:  4 Democrats     3 Republicans

1961: 11 Democrats    7 Republicans

1981: 11 Democrats 10 Republicans

2001: 44 Democrats 18 Republicans

2021: 90 Democrats 28 Republicans

But, to be truthful: Republicans completely personal us relating to white guys in grey fits.

JEERS to 2001’s “I would like you to do us a favor, though” second. Cult chief Donald Trump, not content material to go the baton gracefully after getting landslided within the electoral school (which will likely be licensed by Congress tomorrow) after which pounded into the bottom 60 occasions in post-election courtroom rulings. It’s merely not in his nature to realize something actually. So after pestering Georgia‘s Secretary of State like a sleazy telemarketer, he lastly obtained Brad Raffensperger to choose up the telephone, whereupon he went into his sleazy pitch:

“So look,” Trump advised Secretary of State Brad Raffensperger. “All I want to do is this. I just want to find 11,780 votes, which is one more than we have.“

The telephone name featured Trump, days earlier than he’s set to depart workplace, pleading with Raffensperger to change the vote whole and launching right into a barrage of discredited conspiracy theories concerning the election. Trump even advised that Raffensperger, who’s a Republican, might face felony penalties ought to he refuse to intervene in accordance with Trump’s needs. […]

“The people of Georgia are angry. The people in the country are angry,” Trump stated within the name. “And there’s nothing wrong with saying, you know, um, that you’ve recalculated.”

So there it’s. We have met the election stealer…and he’s him.

–

BRIEF SANITY BREAK

–

–

END BRIEF SANITY BREAK

–

CHEERS to good well being care information, for a change. Here’s a moderately eye-popping truth, courtesy of Kossack brainwrap (aka caped ACA Signups crusader Charles Gaba): Thanks to state alternate guidelines and deadline extensions for varied causes, an excellent massive gaggle of Americans (one thing like 1-in-4, I feel) can nonetheless join Affordable Care Act protection. You can dive into the main points right here whereas I publish his graphic providing you with an thought the place the exchanges are nonetheless open for enterprise:

So bear in mind: so far as 2021 ACA signups go, the fats, diabetic, atherosclerotic girl with gout and irritable bowel syndrome hasn’t sung but. (Not to be a buttinski, however I’d strongly advocate she bump herself as much as a silver plan earlier than she does.)

CHEERS to Democratic bulldogs.  Former Speaker of the House Tip O’Neill—who coined the phrase “All politics is local”—died 27 years in the past at present at 81. His 1994 New York Times obituary is a wonderful learn on retail politics and the way Team D can differentiate itself from Team R: 

He was a big, joyous, generous-spirited man with a bulbous nostril, yellowed white hair that flopped over his brow and an ever-present cigar. […]

Mr. O’Neill was an old-style politician and pleased with it, a House Speaker comfy with energy, who clung to his model of liberalism lengthy after it ceased to be modern, even amongst his fellow Democrats.

An early opponent of the Vietnam War, Mr. O’Neill took robust positions on many controversial points. He was the Congressional chief who pushed hardest for the impeachment of President Richard M. Nixon and later, as Speaker, put his status on the road for Congressional reform. […] To Mr. O’Neill, who spoke of the Democratic Party with near-religious fervor, the occasion was the one of many cities, the working individuals, the poor, the needy, the unemployed, the sick and the disinherited. “And no way are we ever going to let them down,” he would insist.

Pay your respects right here. Bulbously.

–

Ten years in the past in C&J: January 5, 2011

CHEERS to Madam Speaker.  I don’t assume John Boehner takes the reins of the House till noontime, so I can nonetheless name Nancy Pelosi that.  (Although truthful warning: for those who go to the official Speaker’s web page now, you get a faceful of Boehner.)  I simply wish to go on the document in protection of that San Francisco liberal.  She handed payments and handed payments and handed payments and handed some extra.  Bills to reform well being care (with a public possibility, no much less), payments to reform our environmental tasks, payments in unabashed help of homosexual rights.  Bills that improved public security and schooling.  A invoice that will’ve ended the Bush tax cuts on the wealthy.  Hundreds and a whole bunch of fine payments…and a pathetically excessive variety of them have been despatched to the Senate like cattle headed for the slaughterhouse.  She was Speaker, an aggressive Speaker, a progressive Speaker, a historic Speaker.  And better of all, you recognize what, children?  She’ll be again.  [1/5/21 Update: Hey, just call me Nostradamus.]

–

And only one extra…

JEERS to the Long, Cold, Dark Road Ahead. Our annual reminder that the following warm-weather vacation when most Americans truly get a protracted weekend off is Memorial Day—146 days away. But there’s one place the place the weekend by no means ends: outer area. So put in your beer goggles and your chill-out face as Preston Dyches on the Jet Propulsion Laboratory reveals the January night-sky occasion forecast, together with an inauguration-day look by our most snicker-worthy planet…

–

Bonus excellent news: 5 days into the brand new 12 months and our planet’s nonetheless right here.  (Our sanity? Still an open query.)

Have a tolerable Tuesday. Floor’s open…What are you cheering and jeering about at present?

–

Today’s Shameless C&J Testimonial

“Pathetic. Weak. Spineless. Shameless. Shameful. Disgraceful. Deplorable. Unprincipled. Mendacious. Reprehensible. Despicable.”

—George Conway

–