Cheers and Jeers: Rum and 5 Days Left FRIDAY!

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“Trump got impeached in December 2019 and January 2021, and botched COVID in between. Dude basically made a pandemic sandwich with impeachment bread.”
—Jimmy Fallon

“This impeachment provides me one final probability to salvage my repute!” shouts Rudy Giuliani, as he ladles baked beans into his briefcase.
—Conan O’Brien

In this somber time, allow us to keep in mind the solemn phrases of FDR:

“Not only did Trump get banned from Twitter, but Google, Apple and Amazon removed the Parler app from their platforms. Parler is where all the right-wingers gather to post Q-a-nonsense and misspell the word ‘parlor.’ Trumpers are complaining bitterly that they’re being silenced. On their three propaganda networks, one-thousand conservative radio shows, and all over the internet, they’re screaming about being silenced.”
—Jimmy Kimmel

“Police assumed protesters wouldn’t get out of control because they were white. They were literally wearing shirts that said “Civil War” on them. What else did they need? The back of the shirt to read, Seriously We’re Going To Attack You & Also Shit On The Floor For Some Reason?”
—Samantha Bee

EVERY GOP CONGRESSMAN: To all my Radical Dumbocrat colleagues: We want therapeutic and unity. I say this not simply to the Commies, but additionally to the Libtards.
—Trevor Noah

And now, our characteristic presentation…

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Cheers and Jeers for Friday, January 15, 2021

Note: Surely you don’t anticipate me to put in writing a notice on a Friday evening, do you? Forget it, I’m checked out. Here’s my grocery listing as a substitute: milk, eggs, bananas, a dozen containers of huge rubbish luggage, and 4,000 kilos of lye. Now go away.  —Mgt.

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By the Numbers:

Days ’til inauguration day: 5

Percent of Americans polled by Quinnipiac who imagine democracy in America is “alive and well”: 21%

Percent in the identical ballot who imagine Trump is undermining democracy: 60%

Number of National Guard troops that’ll be deployed in D.C. for the inauguration: 20,000

Minimum quantity of people that visited Maine state parks final 12 months, a file: 3 million

Percent improve in first-time guests from 2019: 60%

Year {that a} poet first took half in a presidential inauguration (Robert Frost for JFK): 1961

Age of Amanda Gorman, who would be the inaugural poet subsequent Wednesday: 22

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Puppy Pic of the Day: Weekend plans…

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CHEERS to post-inaugural Jazz Hands!!!  Depending on how issues go on Wednesday, we might or is probably not in a celebratory temper after Joe and Kamala take their oaths of workplace. But if the terrorists—aka the Republican social gathering—fail to blow every part up, Team Biden has a heckuva expertise present lined up, and it is a lot higher than what “master showman” Whatsizface (I neglect his title—the freak within the orange clown make-up whose approval scores are headed for the 20s) placed on 4 years in the past:

Lady Gaga, Jennifer Lopez, Justin Timberlake, Demi Lovato, Jon Bon Jovi, Ant Clemons and Tom Hanks are among the many stars tapped to look throughout Joe Biden’s inauguration festivities subsequent week, the Presidential Inaugural Committee introduced Wednesday. […] “Celebrating America,” a 90-minute dwell particular, will air the night of President-elect Biden’s inauguration, and can characteristic remarks from Biden and Vice President-elect Kamala Harris, in addition to tributes to COVID-19 first responders.

“This inauguration presents a unique opportunity to spotlight the resilience and spirit of an America united,” PIC CEO Tony Allen stated in an announcement. “We have witnessed numerous heroes this previous 12 months step as much as the frontlines and serve their fellow Americans, so we’re telling their tales, spreading their collective mild and celebrating the perfect of our nation and its folks with this prime-time program.

The committee additionally introduced the Inauguration Day ceremony lineup Thursday. Lady Gaga, who will carry out “The Star-Spangled Banner,” has earlier expertise with the nationwide anthem, singing (and nailing) it for Super Bowl 50 in 2016.

You can learn extra in regards to the inauguration individuals right here. In a stunning non-twist, the present president won’t be attending the swearing-in. He’ll be again on the White House attempting and failing to pry the J and B keys off the West Wing keyboards. (In her final act as first woman, Melania will soften them into blobs of molten plastic by looking at them.)

CHEERS capturing a creepy loopy Capitol prison. Yeah, the man carrying horns was dangerous. Yeah, the man together with his toes up on Nancy Pelosi’s desk was worse. And don’t get me began on the moron who tried to steal the Speaker’s lectern. But amongst all of the traitors (300 charged to date) who stormed the Capitol final week, the one who burned my chaps essentially the most was the Jefferson Davis fanboy who frolicked among the many statues within the rotunda with a large accomplice flag in his palms. Well, we acquired him. And not solely is he a traitor, he is additionally a candidate for Worst Dad within the World. And his son? His son is a f*cking fool, too:

Kevin Seefried, who was carrying the flag that he later informed authorities had been displayed outdoors his Delaware dwelling, and his son Hunter Seefried [were] arraigned later Thursday in U.S. District Court in Washington, D.C.

According to a charging doc, Kevin Seefried informed the FBI on Tuesday throughout a voluntary interview that he and his son had been a part of the group that breached the Capitol’s entrances on Jan. 6, and that they’d been in Washington that day to listen to Trump converse at a rally on the Ellipse. […]

The two males had been recognized after a co-worker of Hunter Seefried contacted the FBI to say Hunter “had bragged about being in the Capitol with his father” through the riot, the doc says.

Thus proving that, in Traitor Land, the shithead doesn’t fall removed from the asshole.

JEERS to yesteryear’s sleazebag. On Sunday’s date in 1997, then-Speaker Newt Gingrich—the man who promised to wash up Washington—accepted a reprimand by the House that included a $300,000 penalty as punishment for decidedly un-clean ethics violations.  Four days later the House voted 395-28 to self-discipline its chief for moral misconduct.  If reminiscence serves, the solar was shining and the birds had been singing that day.

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BRIEF SANITY BREAK

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END BRIEF SANITY BREAK

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JEERS to messing with The Precious.  On January 16, 1919, the tenacious temperance twits in Wyoming grew to become the final ones essential to ratify Prohibition, which went into impact on January 16, 1920…within the title, after all, of Jeeeeeezus. As a lapsed Episcopalian, I’d prefer to apologize for this on behalf of all my brethren and sistren:

Many Prohibition teams, referred to as “dries”, had been church-based, primarily Protestant denominations.

The anti-Prohibition teams, or “wets”, tended to be largely Roman Catholic, Episcopalian and Lutherans from Germany. Both main political events had moist and dry factions.

[W]hen Congress convened in January, 1917, the mandate was clear: no matter social gathering, dries outnumbered wets in Congress by 2-to-1.

The consequence: an enormous spike in organized crime.  The inventory market crash of 1929 led to the eventual repeal of the 18th modification on the premise that reviving the legit liquor business would create jobs.  So you would possibly say that in a bizarre manner the banksters toppled the gangsters. (Although, like at this time, it took authorities awhile to determine who was who.)

CHEERS to dwelling vegetation. Here’s a number of the haps on the squawk field this weekend, beginning with Chris Hayes, Rachel Maddow, and Lawrence O’Donnell processing the Friday information dumps on MSNBC as we finish the final week of the Trump period. Or you’ll be able to watch the U.S. Ladies Free Skate Championships at 8 on NBC (the boys skate tomorrow at 4pm), or new episodes of Whose Line and Penn & Teller: Fool Us on the CW. Tonight at 11 on BBC America, The Graham Norton Show welcomes Regina King and “The Queen’s Gambit” star Anya Taylor-Joy. 

The hottest dwelling movies, new and outdated, are all reviewed right here at Rotten Tomatoes. The NFL schedule is right here (Tom Brady and Drew Brees go at it Sunday at 6:30 on Fox, and that’ll be enjoyable) and the NBA schedule is right here. Tomorrow evening at 10 catch an encore exhibiting of the nice documentary focusing (pun meant) on Barack Obama’s White House photographer Pete Souza, The Way I See It, on MSNBC. SNL continues to be in reruns (the Justin Bateman-hosted present is tomorrow evening). Sunday on 60 Minutes: inauguration safety efforts within the wake of the Republican Party’s tried coup. And at 8 on the CW you’ll be able to catch the season premiere of Batwoman with new lead Javicia Leslie and, as all the time, Rachel Maddow offering commentary as radio persona Vesper Fairchild.

Now here is your Sunday morning lineup:

Meet the Press: TBA

Face the Nation: Rep. Adam Schiff (D-CA); incoming CDC Director Rochelle Walensky; Gov. Jim Justice (Trump Cult-WV); former FDA commissioner Scott Gottlieb; St. Paul Mayor Melvin Carter (D).

This Week: Biden White House communications director Kate Bedingfield.

CNN’s State of the Union: Biden chief of workers Ron Klain; Sen. Dick Durbin (D-IL); Rep. Jaime Raskin (D-MD).

Fox GOP Talking Points Sunday: TBA

Happy viewing!

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Ten years in the past in C&J: January 15, 2011

JEERS to the brand new Keeper of the Thankless Job.  Oh, drat.  I believed God would possibly intervene and, purely for our amusement, enable Michael Steele to remain on as chairman of the RNC.  Twas to not be.  The new chairman’s title is Reince Priebus.  I hate him already—he simply made my spellchecker explode. [1/15/21 Update: Hey, brilliant job on that party “rebranding,” Reince. We hope you’re finding your duties at the Burger King fry vat more suitable to your talents.]

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And only one extra…

CHEERS to America’s favourite “Girl from the South Side.”  Michelle Obama (who you’ll be able to observe on twitter here) is the tenth First Lady whose iron-fisted regime I’ve lived underneath. During her eight way-too-fast years in that official capability, she was a tremendous position mannequin—not solely by way of her grace and humor and intelligence and optimism and down-to-earth authenticity and… (I’ll cease there for house causes—my listing of her pluses is 12 pages lengthy, single spaced), but additionally for throwing open the doorways of the White House and making it really feel extra just like the “People’s House” than any time I can keep in mind. (For one other 5 days the place will proceed to really feel extra like Berlin circa 1945.)  Sunday is Michelle’s hrrfrrfrfth birthday, and that’s all the rationale I must submit these…

I do know there isn’t any job description or necessities for the position of presidential partner, however I believe it is truthful to say that she set the bar nearly as excessive as it could actually go. She rocked it. So, in conclusion: Happy glad glad (I’ll cease there for house causes—my listing of happys can also be 12 pages lengthy) birthday, Michelle, and plenty of blessings in your camels.

P.S. Her too:

This is the ultimate weekend of the Trump administration. Even if I get hit by a bus, develop rickets and a tree falls on my home, it is nonetheless gonna be the perfect weekend ever. Floor’s open…What are you cheering and jeering about at this time?

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