“Today we showed the world that there is no My Pillow large enough to smother our democracy. God bless America.” —Jimmy Kimmel
“It was a bright sunny day, and now we finally have a president who knows not to stare directly at the sun.” —Jimmy Fallon
Click…
“Democracy prevails. But the game definitely went into overtime.” —James Corden
“Unsurprisingly, Republicans are ‘furious’ that Joe Biden chose to divide America by becoming president. And if that weren’t divisive enough, he’s openly plotting to ‘do stuff.’ Nice try, Joe, but according to Republicans a real unifier would have handed the office back to Trump, given him a McRib, and happily walked off to prison.” —Samantha Bee
“I’ll never get used to having a First Lady who is not from Slovenia.” —Conan O’Brien
And this gem from yesterday’s edition of MSNBC’s Deadline White House:
“We’re going to play a long portion of the president’s [covid] remarks, because it is no longer a danger to public health to do so.” —Nicolle Wallace
And now, our feature presentation…
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Cheers and Jeers for Friday, January 22, 2021
Note:January is Bath Safety Month. It’s your duty as an American citizen to follow the #1 bath safety rule: keep a loaded AR-15 hidden under your bubbles at all times. (And don’t forget to scrub behind those ears, patriots. There could be secret Antifa hiding back there.)
—Your Friends at the Bankrupt NRA
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By the Numbers:
11 days, bub.
Days ’til Groundhog Day: 11
Percent of Americans surveyed by NPR/PBS Newshour who support President Biden’s 100-day mask mandate: 74%
Hours of pay that employees of the Aldi grocery chain will receive for each dose of the Covid-19 vaccine they take: 2
Number of busts of Cesar Chavez, Rosa Parks, Abraham Lincoln, and Harry Truman that Biden has in the Oval Office: 1
Percent chance that Canada‘s Justin Trudeau got the first call to a foreign leader from President Biden: 100%
Percent of Germans, French, and Brits polled by Pew Research who say they have confidence in President Biden to do the right thing in foreign affairs (versus roughly 20% in each country for Biden’s predecessor) 79%, 72%, 65%
Final Washington Post count of Trump’s lies during his Presidency: 30,573
CHEERS to level playing fields. When last we saw net neutrality, it was being tossed into a pauper’s grave by evil Trump FCC chair Ajit Pai, clearing the way for the giant telcos to plan internet-speed “fast lanes” for rich people and “slow lanes” for the rest of us. Jessica Rosenworcel was on the FCC commission when that happened, and she said at the time: “This decision puts the Federal Communications Commission on the wrong side of history, the wrong side of the law and the wrong side of the American public.” With President Biden in the White House, Pai has fled the scene and there’s a new FCC sheriff in town. Her name is—oh, lookie—Jessica Rosenworcel. You can see where this is headed:
[A]s the president’s choice to lead the agency, she’s likely to pick up the network neutrality baton again—which prohibited internet service providers from charging websites to reach users at faster speeds.
Jessica Rosenworcel voting for net neutrality five years ago. As the new FCC chairwoman, she’s bringing it back.
When Chairman Tom Wheeler ran the agency under Obama, Rosenworcel boldly pushed him to create more aggressive network neutrality rules, a stance he eventually adopted and led to the network neutrality protections that were passed in 2015. And when Pai came to lead the agency with the intention to take a “weed wacker” to net neutrality in 2017, she didn’t sit quietly either.
“Let’s roar. Let’s make a ruckus. Let’s stop this plan in its tracks,” she tweeted in 2017, when Pai released his plan to rescind the net neutrality rules. Over 22 million comments were submitted to the agency in response to the removal of the internet traffic rules.
Interestingly, net neutrality is widely supported by the rabble on both the left and the right, and the only people you’ll hear complaining are Republican members of Congress who believe their only constituents are the telco vultures who sign their campaign checks. So this officially gets chalked up as a Day 1 “Win” for Joe’s unity pledge. Or as Fox News will report it: “Democrat president to feathered friends: drop dead.”
P.S. In cabinet confirmation news, Secretary of Transportation nominee Pete Buttigieg had his hearing yesterday. I’d say it looks good. Half of the committee wants to approve him, and the other half wants to adopt him.
CHEERS to Pandemic Superman. Now that he’s no longer constrained by the ramblings of the dumbest president in our nation’s history, Dr. Anthony Fauci is like the Tazmanian Devil on Red Bull. As the Biden administration puts the pandemic response on a wartime footing, Fauci says if we all do our part we can put this thing behind us in relatively short order:
Despite challenges with the distribution and administration of Covid-19 vaccines, the US “can and should” vaccinate 70-85% of US adults by the end of summer, infectious disease expert Anthony Fauci said Thursday. … “When you put the pedal to the floor, you can get it done,” Fauci told CNN’s Chris Cuomo on Thursday. […]
Dr. Fauci Wednesday at 11:59am and 12:01pm.
“The only way to solve a problem is to own it,” he said. “Everybody wear a mask, everybody adhere to the public health measures, get the vaccine out as expeditiously as possible, do everything we can to get the doses available and to get them into people’s arms.”
Once he was done updating the press, Fauci spent the rest of the day skeet shooting using bottles of “that f*cking hydroxychloroquine” in place of clay pigeons.
P.S. Elections…consequences…yada yada…
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Dr. Fauci formally declares to the WHO that President Biden has retracted the Trump’s announcement to withdraw from the global health organization.
Roger Daltrey and Pete Townshend will be so pleased. Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha!!! Never gets old.
CHEERS to a quiet little verdict that people hardly ever mention anymore. Roe v. Wade turns 48 today. Pro-choice advocates marked the occasion with events to remind Americans that women should be in control of their own bodies and that health care decisions should be between them and their doctor, not them and their nearest right-wing legislature.
Poll from 3 months ago. Tread carefully, SCOTUS.
Anti-choice advocates marked the occasion by reminding Americans that microscopic bits of blastocyst matter are people too, with full rights including voting and marriage (as long as they’re not gay). And the six conservative justices on the Supreme Court, as usual, marked the occasion by licking their chops.
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BRIEF SANITY BREAK
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Little boy: “If you score a goal can you do this dance?”
JEERS to a stain on America’s soul that we just can’t seem to scrub out. Twelve years ago, newly-minted president Barack Obama signed an order that was intended to close the prison at Guantanamo within a year:
“The orders that I signed today should send an unmistakable signal that our actions in defense of liberty will be just as our cause and that we, the people, will uphold our fundamental values as vigilantly as we protect our security.
Still open for business. $13 million of your tax dollars every year for each inmate.
Once again, America’s moral example must be the bedrock and the beacon of our global leadership.”
A bunch of cowards in Congress and state houses—Republicans and Democrats, to our party’s great shame—got the vapors and said no, America isn’t smart enough or strong enough to handle those detainees (40 remain at an annual cost of $13 million each) on American soil. So, 12 years later, Gitmo is still open for business, and the president can still have American citizens arrested without probable cause and black-helicoptered there, too, if he chooses. Memo to DHS: if I’m on your list, I’d like my steak medium, please. Light on the tater tots, extra broccoli, A1 sauce on the side in a little silver cup…and yes, I would like to see the dessert menu.
CHEERS to home vegetation. With the adrenaline-rush craziness of inauguration week (not to mention four years of carnage and chaos) behind us, it’ll be nice to spend a weekend just watching TV and doing a lot of exhaling. As usual, Chris Hayes, Rachel Maddow, and Lawrence O’Donnell will try and keep up with the fire hose of smart decisions as President Biden goes about his job with skill, candor, patriotism, and good humor.
With Whatsizname out of office and his Twitter feed de-activated, the weekend is gonna feel like…
Bill Maher’s guests on HBO’s Real Time are intelligence expert Frank Figliuzzi, Kmele Foster, and Vanity Fair’s Peter Hamby. Or you can escape politics with new episodes of Whose Line and Penn & Teller: Fool Us on the CW.
The most popular home videos, new and old, are all reviewed here at Rotten Tomatoes. The NFL post-season schedule is here and the NBA schedule is here. The LPGA’s Tournament of Champions continues tomorrow at 2:30 on NBC. SNL is still in reruns (they’re re-airing the episode with host Timothee Chalamet and an up-and-coming musical guest by the name of Bruce Springsteen). Also no 60 Minutes this week because of the Bills-Chiefs game.
Now here’s your Sunday morning lineup for the first weekend of the Biden administration:
Meet the Press: Biden Chief of Staff Ron Klain; Sens. Dick Durbin (D-IL) and Mike Rounds (Trump Cult-SD)
This Week: TBA
Sunday morning on CNN: Bernie!
CNN’s State of the Union: Bernie!!! Plus: Sen. Mitt Romney (The GOP Wilderness-UT)
Face the Nation: President Biden’s infectious disease specialist Dr. Anthony Fauci; Former coronavirus task force member Dr. Deborah Birx, who sat there and nodded while Biden’s predecessor promoted the benefits of injecting bleach to treat covid, gets a Sunday morning tongue bath. Way to read a room, CBS News.
Fox GOP Talking Points Sunday: Sens. Marco Rubio (Trump Cult-FL) and Mitt Romney (The GOP Wilderness-UT)
Happy viewing!
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Ten years ago in C&J: January 22, 2011
CHEERS to fraying tri-corner hats. It’s becoming more and more apparent to ordinary Americans—i.e. those who don’t guzzle sixpacks of paranoia provided by Fox News and the Koch Brothers—that the teabaggers are a little “out there.” A new ABC News/Washington Post poll shows that the movement has attained an even lower popularity rating than Saudi Arabia, Russia and “socialism.” But the movement isn’t totally despised. A majority of Americans say they’d rather have a beer with a teabagger than with Kim Jong Il, streptococcus or Jar Jar Binks.
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And just one more…
CHEERS to feud food. Tomorrow is the high holy day here at Daily Kos. Yes…it’s National Pie Day. Since we may not be gathered like this manana, let us enter the arena now and get it on:
“Caucuses!” [Splot!] “Primaries!” [Splot!]
“Love the new Daily Kos format!” [Splot!] “Hate the new Daily Kos format!” [Splot!]
“The Republican party is nuts!” [Brief cease fire as everyone nods in agreement]
“Woozles!” [Splot!] “Pooties!” [Splot!]
“Three point one four one five!” [Splot!] “That’s pi, not pie, you idiot!” [Splot!]
[Ding dong!] “Helloooooo! I’m Betsy DeVos and I’m here to introduce you to the age-defying and stain-fighting wonders of these fine Amway products!” [Splot! Splot! Splot! Splot! Splot! Splot! Splot! Splot! Splot! Splot! Splot!]
Well done. Until next year, my brothers and sisters…pies be with you.
Have a great weekend. Floor’s open…What are you cheering and jeering about today?
