The Connection between Clutter and Parenting | Goop

There are four elements to making and keeping a clutter-free home. The first is decluttering: the process of choosing what to keep and what to let go of. The second is organizing: designating a home within our homes for each object. The third is maintenance: caring for our items, including putting things back where they belong. And the fourth is preventing: adopting habits that prevent clutter from accumulating in the first place.

When it comes to the third piece—maintenance—children can help as soon as they are physically able. Even a very young child can help put toys in a bin and hang a jacket on a hook. We can also set up our homes to support our children in caring for their things by having a footstool on hand, toy bins with lightweight lids, and hooks at low levels. Let your home tell your child what to do so that you don’t have to. You’ve probably noticed that when children are young, they love helping out and cleaning. While it may take extra time and effort to get the job done with their involvement, down the road you will be happy that you took the time to instill these habits.

When it comes to the first two practices—choosing what to let go of and designating a home for the items you choose to keep—we involve our children depending on where they are developmentally. For young children, around eight years old and under, it is our responsibility to choose. Of course, you know your child best and will tune in to their needs and trust your instincts, but typically giving a young child a choice about what stays or goes will overwhelm them. Parents often worry that if they clear clutter from their child’s room, their child will be upset, but usually it is just the opposite. The toys you decide to keep will feel like new and your child will thrive with less. If you aren’t sure how much your child loves an object, you can always create a “things I want to give away” box. Make sure the box is opaque and keep it out of view in a closet or garage. If your child doesn’t miss the items in a few months, you can give them away.

In the middle years, from about nine to thirteen years old, we can start involving our children in the process, but as parents, we have the final say. For our teens, we can guide them, but ideally, we want them to take over. The best way to motivate a teen is to inspire by example. If we ask a teenager to take care of clutter before we have taken care of our own, chances are the teen won’t listen.

The fourth element—preventing—is tied to our values and habits. Children will learn from our choices. There are many habits we can adopt to prevent clutter, but perhaps the most important is to be mindful about what we bring into our homes. Before we purchase an item, ask: Is this loved or useful? Is it healthy for my family and the planet? Could I do without? Each time we bring something into our homes, we are starting a relationship. Relationships take time and energy. We can ask ourselves: Is this worth my time and energy? Our children will take note of our purchasing habits. Do we shop with a grocery list or buy on impulse? Do we buy something for our child each time we go to a store, or do we help our child create a wish list instead?

The goal is not to become experts at accumulating and discarding but instead to create a home and a life that support our fullest expression. Children grow and change quickly, so there will definitely be a fair number of things coming in and out of our home, but the more we simplify and adopt habits to prevent clutter, the less time we will spend in this cycle.