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She hasn’t asked for my insight, so I haven’t given it.
Should I anyway?
I suspect she’d be OK with what I have to say, but her husband might react badly. He’s an in-charge kind of guy who might interpret his mother-in-law’s input as meddling rather than helping.
— Reluctant Adviser
Dear Reluctant: I have a faded sticky note stuck to the bulletin board over my desk: “Unsolicited advice is almost always self-serving.”
For a professional advice-giver, it is vital that I rein in my own tendencies toward friends and family. I’m not always successful.
However, the wise choice not to offer unsolicited advice does not mean that you should always proactively keep a lid on things, certainly if you possess actual insight (and not just a knee-jerk reaction).
One way to handle this would be to invite your daughter to solicit your advice.
You can say, “I have some insight about your relocation ideas, based on my own experience. I don’t want to get in your way, but if you’re interested in hearing my thoughts, let me know and we can talk about it.”
You are your daughter’s mother. Her husband is not in charge of her conversations with you. If she asks for your opinion, you should offer it, regardless of how you think he might interpret it. Whether your daughter chooses to follow your recommendation should be completely up to her – and so you should detach from any particular outcome.
Dear Amy: You should completely refrain from offering your obviously liberal and biased political views. Your constant fear-mongering about the pandemic and defence of the liberal agenda has gotten very old and will lose you many readers.
— Done With You
Dear Done: I do my best to truthfully answer questions sent to me. My advice regarding the pandemic is not my opinion but that of scientists at the CDC. My political agenda, such as it is, is to promote peaceful communication and understanding. This is in itself quite threatening to some readers, angering both sides of the political divide.
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