Why Loving Yourself Is the First Step to Finding Love. Here’s How to Do It.

ed. note: Today, I’m thrilled to welcome my friend, Jessie De Lowe, to share her wisdom around what it means to “find your soulmate.” If you don’t know her, Jessie is a manifestation coach, yoga instructor, art therapist, co-founder of How You Glow, and host of Madly Forever Podcast. Her workshops and coaching sessions blend her background in therapeutic healing with hands-on clinical research and science to help her clients step into alignment with their soul’s true calling. She’s just launched a new Manifesting Love Course where you can deep dive into these topics with her. Thank you Jessi!

The secret to manifesting the love you desire is to realize that it’s already yours. That’s right; your ultimate, forever soulmate is not outside of you, rather within. Falling in love with yourself is the gateway towards finding the person who will be your perfect match; a special someone to connect, evolve and grow with.

When you focus your energy on creating a sense of wholeness rather than trying desperately to fill a void, you enter a state in which you are most magnetic and vibrant.

It is from this place of self love and a feeling of inner contentment that you are much more likely to attract a healthy partner into your orb. When you truly love yourself, you feel worthy of receiving a partner who will elevate you, challenge you and excite you – rather than settling for “whatever you can get” from a fear-based mindset.

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Focus on the WHY.

Instead of worrying about how or when you’ll find “the one,” try focusing on the WHY. Why do you want to find someone? How are you going to feel once you have the partner of your dreams? Once you get clear on how you want to feel in partnership, start to bring that energy into your present reality. The universe will echo that vibration back and send it to you in the form of the most aligned partner. How do you magnetize this energetic match? By tapping into whatever currently lights you up and makes you feel like the most authentic, awake, alive and content version of yourself. The work is to move towards that place within yourself, one thought, action and baby step at a time — the rest is effortless.

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Change the story you’re telling yourself.

If you find it difficult to love yourself – it’s really all about “undoing” whatever stories you’ve created in your mind based on trauma or past experiences. Our natural state is pure, unconditional love. This is our natural essence, however to return to that state once we’ve left it often involves deep inner work. Start by evaluating what limiting beliefs, judgements, and low vibration thoughts are circulating through your system on a daily basis. It’s time to re-write these toxic thoughts and create a new loving, supportive and healthy inner dialogue. Think about the way you would talk to a friend or your child and use that same voice of empathy for yourself. Any time you learn something new or think about something in a different way, your brain creates a new circuit. In this case, this new circuit will be one that raises your internal self worth.

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Lean into discomfort.

Don’t get discouraged if you don’t feel amazing right away when you set out on a path of self love and discovery. In fact, you should expect it to feel uncomfortable. Self doubt and fear are two things you will always feel when you are entering into a new realm of existence, stepping into your power and self worth. The mind loves the familiar – and if the familiar is an inner world that is not self-supporting, your habitual tendencies will hold on for dear life to try to keep it that way. Push through and lean into the discomfort of creating a new way of being, knowing that you are stepping into your truth and the universe will always support that.