As pandemic drags on, more women reporting acts of domestic violence

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Laura Stairs says when her nearly six-month-old romantic relationship turned physically violent, she knew she had to end it.

When her ex-boyfriend threatened her, said Stairs, she knew she had to go to the police.

If he finds her, she fears the worst.

She feels like it’s a life sentence — that the fear will never end.

“In the beginning, it was more mental, emotional, controlling behaviour,” said Stairs, a 30-year-old Windsor lawyer. “And then, as I said, in the last two weeks (of the relationship) it became physical assault.

“When I went to the police it was really because I was terrified in that moment. I had broken up with my boyfriend and was receiving really scary, threatening messages.”

It continues to weigh on her.

“What I wanted was to just be done with him,” Stairs said. “And for it all just to go away and to never have to deal with it again.

“But when you’re dealing with an abusive person, letting go of that control is not something they’re willing to do most of the time. So intervening factors are often necessary.”

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Since the pandemic hit last year, reports of domestic assaults have surged 21 per cent over the previous year, according to Windsor police.

We believe that the fear of the pandemic was more than the fear of what the women and families knew at home.

The service’s latest annual report revealed 681 incidents of domestic violence in 2020, an increase of 118 over the previous year’s numbers and a 20-per-cent increase over the five-year average of 569.

Sexual assaults by intimate partners increased by five occurrences, for a total of 45 in 2020, an increase of 12.5 per cent over the previous year and an increase of 20 per cent over the five-year average of 37.4.

The decision by Stairs to approach police was not easy.

“I had wonderful friends who knew what was going on and were doing what they could in order to support me,” she said. “I made the decision to call the police and report everything that had happened. It was a very difficult decision for a lot of reasons.

“And there’s many points throughout this process of reporting and finding safety where there’s these roadblocks that are sort of put up that could make it just impossible to continue with that decision.”

When Stairs went to the police station several years ago to make her report, she said she was asked “multiple times” by officers, “‘Are you sure you want to go through with this? It doesn’t seem like you’re really ready to be done with this person. You know if you recant what you’re saying, there’s going to be charges against you.’

“So that became like a really scary situation and it didn’t feel like they wanted me to make the report,” she said.

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“I was very confused and scared and angry because you know it felt like I was trying to make these decisions for my own safety and it didn’t feel like that was going to be respected.”

In response to questions regarding how domestic violence reports are handled, Windsor police spokesman Const. Darius Goze said: “The Windsor Police Service investigates these incidents thoroughly and professionally in accordance with legislation.

“Officers obtain statements from the victim and witnesses which provide a history of the relationship as well as any allegations of abuse,” Goze said via email. “Investigations would then move forward depending on the information provided.

“We understand that intimate partner violence is an under-reported crime and that it takes courage for victims at times to even come forward.”

Stairs started making calls to local organizations that support women who experience domestic violence.

“I was so desperate to get some sort of relief or feel some sort of security or safety or like I was doing something for myself,” she said.

“The Windsor police actually has an amazing victim assistance worker — Cheryl Eastman. She was incredible.”

Eastman, a civilian employee and victim assistance co-ordinator at Windsor Police Service, went to Stairs’s house and delivered alarms that were installed on her windows and spoke with her about what could happen.

“I felt really supported by her. The fact that she actually showed up at my house with something practical to help me was really great.”

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Eastman said she assists victims of intimate partner violence by “listening to their concerns, supporting them through the report process, advocating where I can (such as with housing applications), making referrals to community partners/resources and safety planning.”

Stairs is now a member of the Violence Against Women Co-ordinating Committee Windsor-Essex, which brings together people and organizations that all have some connection with the issue of violence against women.

Those include Hiatus House, Sexual Assault Crisis Centre, Legal Assistance of Windsor, Canadian Mental Health Association, Victim Witness Assistance Program, university professors and women with lived experience.

“You’ve got everyone from executive directors to front-line workers to people who are researching issues. And women with lived experience,” she said. “So the hope is that by capturing all those voices we’re able to work together to make the system better.

“I have so many resources. I have a solid education, good employment, incredible family and community supports, great friends and a knowledge of the legal system and the community,” Stairs said. “But I still struggle to navigate all of the systems and supports that were supposed to be in place for me.

“So I often think about women who don’t have the same resources that I do and how much more challenging it would be to get to a place of safety without having full access to everything that I have.”

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Since the pandemic started, folks at Hiatus House believe many women have been reluctant to leave abusive partners because of fears of exposure to COVID-19 in a group setting like a shelter.

Executive director Sylvie Guenther said the number of women accessing shelter after COVID-19 hit dipped last spring. But the severity of domestic violence reports increased.

“In March, our numbers dropped drastically,” Guenther said. “We believe that the fear of the pandemic was more than the fear of what the women and families knew at home.

“And so they weren’t calling us, they weren’t coming into the shelter in the very beginning.

“Our calls dropped but they have consistently increased month over month. Summer became busy again, into fall and then we went back into the grey zone and again we saw a drop.”

To accommodate physical distancing requirements and keep women and children safe, Hiatus House reduced its capacity from a 42-bed shelter to hosting 12 families.

When the shelter reaches capacity, hotels are used.

“So we aren’t turning people away but they may not be in shelter,” she said. “We’ve been able to manage everybody’s safety all the way through. We’ve not had any issues.”

As for the increasingly violent behaviour reported, Guenther attributes that to a number of factors.

“We suspect that the isolation, the social isolation, the shut down in the community, more people working at home, people are not able to get space and distance from each other,” she said. “That’s impacting the relationships at home.

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“And so the violence is heightened. We have a crisis line and people who call in, our staff are expressing that they’re hearing some quite violent stories.”

Domestic or intimate partner violence can take many forms, from controlling behaviours, to physical or sexual assault. Examples include restricting access to finances, blocking access to friends and family, verbal insults, screaming, emotional control, and physical beating and assault.

“(Staff) are just hearing stories that are worse than the stories before — not that they’re not always terrible,” Guenther said. “(Partners) are in each other’s space all the time — all day all night. It just heightens all of that aggressive and violent behaviour.”

“I feel like I’ve taken a lot of steps for myself in order to ensure my own safety,” Stairs said. “I feel like this is something I’m going to continue to deal with for the rest of my life.

“As much as I move on and find safety in the ways that I have, I feel that threat is always out there.

“As long as he continues to hold me responsible I continue to be at risk.

“I feel like if he did ever find me — what I genuinely feel is — I feel like he would kill me.”

jkotsis@postmedia.com

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