Nawaz: With spring comes warmth and hope — and brazen pantry moths

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The sleeper awakens.

As robins reappear, crocuses bloom, and hope begins to trickle back to our embittered hearts, a familiar pestilence is returning to Montreal. Do not be lulled into complacency by the warm breezes and melting snow. Even now, our tiny, winged enemies are beginning to rouse from their frozen slumbers to wreak havoc on our dry goods — that’s right: pantry moths.

As temperatures rise above 10 degrees Celsius, Plodia interpunctella’s eggs, often laid in fall, begin to hatch. Pantry moths are about as long as the edge of your fingernail and tan-coloured, with a distinctive darker brown stripe towards the bottom of their wings. They are sometimes confused with clothes moths, which are smaller, practically translucent, and shun the light — or with tapestry moths, which enjoy setting up shop on the underside of your expensive rugs.

But those adversaries at least have the decency to carry out their evil deeds in the shadows where they belong. The pantry moth, on the other hand, is absolutely brazen — the Road Runner of flying household pests. It will eat its way through anything on offer and is able to survive on mere crumbs. If you spot one in your home, adjust your mindset and get into battle mode.

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I first encountered pantry moths in the form of larvae in a bag of brown rice I bought late at night at the dépanneur back in my twenties, when spending an additional thirty minutes to simmer brown rice and making supper at 10 p.m. both seemed like reasonable propositions. The less said about the initial discovery the better, but uncooked rice isn’t supposed to … wriggle. Horrified, I wrapped the package in several additional plastic bags and tossed it into the kitchen garbage can — my first mistake in an extended war fought out over many, many moths … I mean months.

Those of us who have been in the fray know that vigilance is the watchword. I learned to clock a pantry moth flying at top speed out of the corner of my eye. And though it has been years since we’ve faced off, I still know their ways and the path to victory.

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If you discover an infestation, you need to throw out all dry goods not stowed in airtight containers—flour, rice, cereal, popcorn, crackers. Storing food safely is tricky these days given the way many of us have been shopping in bulk. Pity the prepper with pantry moths.

And you need pheromone traps, which lure the males to a sticky end. For far too long in my extended war, I was unaware of this essential weapon in every moth fighter’s arsenal.

Then you must kill every last female. Do not rule out the possibility of a widow-with-child. Do not rule out an Accursed Conception. I’m not saying pantry moths come straight from hell and are ruled by demons. But …

One of their favourite perches is high up on a wall or on the ceiling, out of reach. That’s when you get out the broom. Cover the end of the handle with a tissue or paper towel. Hold it in place with an elastic band. Now you have yourself a Ceiling-Enabled Moth Killer.

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Broom the moth with a decisive and enraged jab. Use a wet rag on the end of your Moth Killer to remove the unsightly brown splat or leave it as a warning to the rest of Them.

The enemy becomes active around 10 p.m., or, as I call it, “Crazy Hour,” when they begin flying around erratically. This is disturbing but useful, since it is often when they are likely to make themselves known.

How do you catch a flying pantry moth during Crazy Hour? I recommend an old, possibly moisture-wrinkled issue of the New Yorker. This will allow you not to mix it up with other issues you might possibly be interested in reading. Hold the periodical open near the enemy, as though merely enticing it with a highbrow cartoon, then — once it has flapped within range — snap the pages shut with the vigour of a berserk general. You may feel ridiculous or triumphant, but your feelings are irrelevant. What matters is that a moth has been stopped.

Train every member of your family with your hair-trigger vigilance. If they are less rabid in warfare, have them report all sightings, preferably via a verbal signal so as not to lose eyes on the enemy. You might also want to warn your family about the magazine.

If you have previously had a war, a battle, or even a skirmish with pantry moths, now is the time to look sharp. Store those dry goods in containers and stay on the offensive. With any luck, we’ll be spared. We already have enough to deal with right now.