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Welcome to Declassified, a weekly column looking at the lighter side of politics.
First there was vaccine envy. Now there’s vaccine center envy!
If, like me, you received your vaccination in what appeared to be a 1970s leisure center built out of breeze blocks and architects’ tears, then you’ll have cast envious glances at Romania, where Pfizer shots are being offered to everyone who visits the 14th-century Bran Castle, believed to have inspired the vampire’s lair in Bram Stoker’s novel “Dracula.”
“We wanted to show people a different way to get the needle,” Alexandru Priscu, the marketing manager at Bran Castle in Transylvania, told AP. You even get a “vaccination diploma” illustrated with a fanged medical worker brandishing a syringe as well as free entry to the castle’s torture rooms, featuring a whopping 52 instruments of torture (the same number as at a Mumford & Sons concert).
Speaking of torture … people queuing for the vaccination at Home Park stadium in Plymouth in southwest England got a surprise when they reached the end of the line only to discover that, thanks to a stewarding mishap, they had accidentally queued up for Plymouth Argyle Football Club season tickets instead of the jab. And they thought they were only in for a few seconds of pain!
Speaking of unpleasant pricks … Richard Tice, leader of the Reform UK party, which you may remember from its days as the Brexit Party, went on the radio and announced that he was opening a pub with the actor Laurence Fox, who, a few days later, would get about 11 votes in the London mayoral election, finishing behind Niko Omilana, a YouTuber whose manifesto included proposals such as “Any McDonald’s with a broken McFlurry machine will be shut down and turned into low rent housing” and who called for anyone wearing three-quarter-length trousers to be sentenced to death.
“It will be the home of free speech and right-wing comedy. It’ll only be British food, no vaccine passports, no masks,” Tice said of his planned pub. Sounds lovely, doesn’t it? Although “British food only” might be a problem if you want a slice of lemon in your gin and tonic. Or anything with rice or pasta or, if we’re really being sticklers for historical accuracy, potatoes, as they were first cultivated in Peru. Maybe it’s best to have a cheese sandwich before you go.
In the best tradition of British pub names, the Reform UK chief said the establishment would be called The Fox & Tice. It sounds about as appealing a destination for a pint at The Slaughtered Lamb from “An American Werewolf in London” or the Mos Eisley cantina in Star Wars.
CAPTION COMPETITION
“How many presidents does this Conference on the Future of Europe have?”
Can you do better? Email [email protected] or on Twitter @pdallisonesque
Last week we gave you this photo:
Thanks for all the entries. Here’s the best from our postbag (there’s no prize except for the gift of laughter, which I think we can all agree is far more valuable than cash or booze).
“We’ll always have Ankara,” by Tom Morgan.
Paul Dallison is POLITICO‘s slot news editor.
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