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— Concerned
Dear Concerned: Because you sense that your friend wants to express more than she is saying, you should frame your query in a way that opens the door, but doesn’t push her to walk through it until she is ready.
You could try saying, “I’m worried about you. I’m so sorry you are going through this. I want you to know that you can talk about this loss with me as much as you want, without fear that I will judge you or ever violate your privacy.”
Being in regular touch will be helpful, even if she doesn’t always respond. Texting or emailing her regularly – without always prompting her to discuss her loss – will remind her of your supportive presence.
Dear Amy: We have close friends who live in another state. We have remained friends, despite geography.
Every year during the holidays season, “Carol” sends us a homemade fruit cake. We have always looked forward to this gift and enjoyed it very much.
Unfortunately, over the past several months both Carol and her husband have had and recovered from COVID; Carol still has not recovered her sense of taste and smell.
We have been sheltering in place for nine months now, only venturing out for doctor appointments. We have our groceries delivered.
We understand that the virus is supposedly not transported on food, but we don’t want to take a chance of any kind.
How do we tell Carol not to send us the fruit cake without hurting her feelings?
— The Worrywarts
Dear Worrywarts: You should contact “Carol” immediately and tell her that because she has been so sick for so long … “We’re not going to hold you to your fruitcake delivery this year. We just want to make sure you don’t go to that trouble, and that you take good care of yourself during your recovery. Your good health would be the best gift to us.”
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