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One way to push your point a bit might be to use their typical descriptor, and direct it back at them.
Here’s an example:
Them: “Tom, our mechanic, said we need new snow tires.”
You: “You forgot to mention Tom’s race.”
Them: “That’s because he’s White.”
You: “Oh, well, normally when you mention people I don’t know, you say what race they are. Shouldn’t this apply to White people, too? I’m pointing this out because it’s something that I wish you would think about doing differently.”
After that, I think you should let it go. Their defensiveness indicates that they aren’t going to admit to you that they are trying to change this reflexive behaviour, but you will have given them a reason to think about it.
Dear Amy: You recently published my question in your column. I signed my question: No Crystals For Me. In my question, I told you about my frustration with my therapist, who suggested a book for me to read that was full of soul-gazing, crystals, and an overall approach that I described as pseudoscience and “woo-woo.”
It was good therapy to even write the letter to you.
I thought about how very often the advice given for many situations was to speak up for yourself. That does seem to be hard for many people.
I did as you suggested and took my honest concerns to my therapist.
I asked her if the book was representative of the core of her approach to therapy, because if it was, I could not benefit from it.
Well, it turned out that the book is not important to her therapy. We both used this as an opening to a good discussion.
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