Josh Freed: Maybe a beak could bend the COVID curfew rules

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I bet he’d love a winter walk outside. If I put a leash and tiny Scottish doggie blanket on him, who’d know the difference?

Police officer: Good evening, sir, tiny dog you’ve got there. What breed?

Me: He’s a cockaterrier, officer — part cockatiel, part miniature terrier. His name is Rover.

Officer: Er — isn’t he whistling a tune?

Me: Yeah, great trick we’ve taught him, eh? … Quiet, Rover! Behave yourself. … Heel!

Officer: OK, sir, have a nice walk, but be sure to keep Rover on that leash.

OK, OK, I’m dreaming, but this whole COVID lockdown feels like a terrible dream, as we voluntarily adapt to self-imprisonment like a frog boiled in slowly heating water.

If you’d told me I couldn’t go walking at night a year ago, I’d have thought we’d been invaded.