[ad_1]
Article content continued
A few solo car rides do help but given the increasing frequency of the “barking” and subsequent recovery period for her (uncomfortable time for me), I am starting to get concerned.
Though not the only trigger, when I have a drink after work or on the weekend, she tends to “bark.”
However, she is a social drinker herself.
I don’t know anything in her history related to substance abuse, and I have asked her about this specific point, but I get nothing in return. It is confusing. Do you have any theories?
— Barked At, Not Bitten
Dear Barked At: Running away is a natural response to loud “barking.” You are choosing “flight” over “fight,” and while that might be the wisest choice in the moment, you and “Mara” aren’t dealing with her behaviour – or what might be causing it.
Because you mention your drinking as one trigger, you could start there. Do you behave differently after you’ve had a drink? Do you become loud, sarcastic, or sleepy? Did she have another partner (or a parent) who had a drinking problem? Might her own alcohol use be triggering her anger? You two should talk about your mutual alcohol use.
Is she going through menopause? This monumental hormonal shift can cause extreme behavioural changes. She should see her doctor. Does she signal her stress before an eruption? If so, perhaps she – and not you – could go for a solo drive to cool down.
I highly recommend the book 10 Lessons to Transform Your Marriage, by marriage researchers John Gottman and Julie Schwartz Gottman (2007, Harmony). Read it together. Quick lessons from this important book: Treat your partner as a friend. (Gently!) Don’t push your problems aside. Talk about your feelings.
[ad_2]
Source link
