ASK AMY: Readers say: ‘I’m not your ‘Sweetie!’’

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Dear Readers: Recently, I ran a question from an older gentleman signing his letter, “Indeed, not Your Sweetie.” He and his friends wanted to register their disgust at being called “Sweetie,” “Honey,” and the like by service workers and health-care professionals.

I’ve received a huge response to this question (especially from health-care workers) – many taking issue with my choice to call this “patronizing,” instead of how they see it – as degrading and outright offensive.

As I plow through the hundreds of responses, I decided to devote a column to some of them.

Dear Amy: I’m a nurse. I appreciated hearing from someone on “the other side of the bedrail” regarding being addressed as “Sweetie.”

Health-care workers have a duty to address all patients with respect, and while “Honey,” “Sweetie,” and “Dear” are an easy default for an older person, these words are demeaning and unprofessional.

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I agree that their use needs to be nipped in the bud, if not by the patient, then a family member or friend.

Sitting beside my groggy, post-colonoscopy husband, his recovery nurse tried to rouse him with, “C’mon, sweetie, wake up!”

I waited until she was OK with his level of consciousness, before quietly coming back with, “He’s not your sweetie.” It stopped her in her tracks.

We nurses can do better. I plan on posting the query from “Sweetie” at my workplace.

– Colorado RN

Dear Amy: I have worked as a nursing assistant and in retail food service. I will never address anyone as “Honey,” “Sweetie,” “Dear,” etc.”

Showing respect to others is at the forefront of my mind and training. Saying, “Hello!” and “Thank you, have a nice day!” seems to be sufficient.

I have a sister who has since retired from a high administrative position. She has said that this trend is a problem and that managers have chosen not to address the use of respectful noun/pronouns.

As for “Mr. Indeed,” as a customer, he is entitled to write a Customer Experience Comment, with hopes that the owners or managers of the business will respond.

– Nobody’s “Sweetie!”

Dear Amy: As a nurse anesthetist for 35 years, I recall the Professionalism 101 class where we were taught that all patients should be addressed by their title, unless they request otherwise.

As a patient I’ve more than once been called “Sweetie” and “Honey,” and each time I look them in the eye and quietly respond, “Please, call me Linda.”

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Every single time, the person who called me “Sweetie” or “Honey” gets mad!

One EMT guy got so mad he walked off, saying, “I can’t help her.” (What? You can’t start my IV without calling me “Sweetie?”)

When health-care providers refuse to honour their ethics to treat patients with respect, I complain to their supervisor.

– Linda

Dear Amy: I work in a credit union, interacting with our members every day. I cannot count how many times I am called “Sweetie,” “Honey,” “Dear,” and even “Love” in a workday!

The majority of these “Sweeties” come from men in the age group of the elder man who wrote to you.

Maybe he should listen to how he addresses people when he is out.

I bet he has used a term of endearment himself a time or two, and when it is coming from an older gentleman towards a younger woman, it is creepy, not condescending, as you seemed to think.

– Get over yourself, Sweetie!!

Dear Amy: If the older man called a younger woman “Sweetie,” we would jump to call that inappropriate.

As a nurse I get very upset at coworker who call grown adults such familiar and childish terms. These are officers, teachers, doctors, mothers and fathers.

These are elders who deserve respect for their lived experiences, rather than be infantilized from our perception of fragility.

We would never expect a woman to tolerate such belittling if the tables were turned, and it should never be acceptable when directed to adults.

– Big Picture Feminist Nurse

Dear Amy: It’s obvious to me that the gentleman who hates being called “Sweetie” and “Honey” does not live in the South. In the South, we call everyone Sweetie and Honey. It doesn’t matter if they are young, middle aged or elderly.

No one questions it, and it is not a sign that we are demeaning or talking down to someone. I personally do it because it makes me feel good.

– Southerner

Dear Southerner: When you greet someone in a professional context, making yourself feel good should not be your objective.